turkey bottom ba-by poo

Topic #1: A friend gave Ben this very cute Thanksgiving outfit. It had a turkey on the front, a turkey on the bib, and even a turkey on the butt! He was a well dressed guy for the holiday.

Topic #2: This afternoon, I was upstairs on the computer and the rest of the family was downstairs while Jen made dinner. Lily came upstairs and told me, "ba-by PPPFFFTTTT poo. di-per chain." I said, "baby pooped and needs his diaper changed?" Lily said, "yeah." I told her I would be there in a minute. I took a little too long and she returned and told me, "ba-by poo moy." I said, "baby pooped more?" She said, "yeah."

I went downstairs and told Jen about our conversation (while I changed the baby), and she confirmed that she had sent her upstairs to relay this message. I think this is one of our longest, most successfully understood, complete English conversations, to date. It was exciting!

still November...

Here's another emotional video to wrap up National Adoption Awareness Month!

Thankful

Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday of the year. I love the fact that it involves family, food, and festiveness, but lacks some of the commercialism of Christmas... or does it?

As I sit to write this, I realize that I nor my family have really stopped long enough to really think about or express much in the way of thankfulness today. I try to model thankfulness all year long to my family, but I am not sure I am always effective. Of course, there is still time to focus on it during this holiday, as this was just the first day of three.

Today, we enjoyed a day with Jen's family. Her Aunt Susie and Uncle Lance graciously hosted about 30 family members and friends throughout the day. For many guests, it was an introduction to both Lily and Ben. This made the day a little more stressful, as early social contexts with an adopted child still feels very different than with biological children. Lily did very well with the day. She charmed the socks off everyone, as only Lily can. I was pleased that she was shy for quite a while when we first arrived. It was evidence to me that she is starting to understand the concept of strangers. Another difficult part of the day was the questions. They were tasteful questions by well-meaning people, who were genuinely interested in knowing more about adoption, but I always struggle with the fine line of passionately discussing adoption while protecting my daughter's privacy. I find it very tough to know just where to draw the line.

Tomorrow we hang out at home and then Saturday we will be at my parent's home with my brother and his family, and my Aunt Gloria. But, before I pillow my head, I want to record some things for which I am thankful, and commit to discussing them with my family tomorrow.

• I am thankful for my wife. She is my best friend and a great mommy to my kiddos.
• I am thankful for my eldest two sons, Dylan and Zachary, who have wholeheartedly welcomed two new siblings to our family this year, even though those two siblings have taken much of the spotlight and left the boys largely in the shadows. (I am anxious for the day when the novelty of two new additions wears off and they are just four average kids!)
• I am thankful for adoption, and I am thankful that I was blessed to participate this year.
• I am thankful for a little girl named Lily, with almond shaped eyes and raven hair, who calls me BaBa.
• I am thankful for the two weeks that I got to spend in her homeland. I really wish Jen could have been with me, but I will forever cherish the experiences I shared in those two weeks with my little girl.
• I am (tearfully) thankful for a young woman, somewhere in China, who gave precious life to my daughter.
• I am thankful for a little guy named Ben, to stir things up and really make our lives interesting.
• I am thankful that I had the privilege of being present to (tearfully) be the first to hold him and welcome him to this world.
• I am thankful for my parents, for their friendship, and for loving my wife as their daughter.
• I am thankful for in-laws that love and accept me, and a father-in-law that has never given me a hard time about being out of work, but, instead, reminds me that he's been there.
• I am thankful for the job that I had until recently; For a boss that truly made family a priority; For the flexibility he gave me in scheduling around my family; And, for sacrificing in a difficult economy to keep me on full-time long enough to get my two family additions safely here.
• I am thankful for a God who has graciously blessed me beyond what I could ever record here, and I am thankful for Jesus Christ, who gave his life so that I could be adopted into the family of God.

Happy Thanksgiving!

boxes, tags, and... Legs!

Ah... time for Christmas shopping, already. As I peruse the toy aisles and glossy catalogs with my children, I am in awe of just how many choices there are. I don't think there was such variety, or such fancy gizmos when I was a kid. I'm not that old, mind you, but it seems that toys just get more elaborate and busier to compete for attention. Our Adult Sunday School teacher was recently discussing this to make a point, and he illustrated it with the lyrics to the Marvelous Toy, a John Denver song that says, "It went 'zzzip' when it moved, 'bopp' when it stopped, 'brrr' when it stood still. I never knew just what it was and I guess I never will."

Yet, it is often not the fanciest toys that are the best. My Mom has often told stories of how her and her brothers cut windshields in cardboard boxes, put them over their heads, and steered them with pan lids... the predecessor to Power Wheels? I remember saving a lifetime of wooden popsicle sticks (not from the craft store, but ones half stained purple, red, and orange from eating the popsicle). My brother and I used them to lay out elaborate roads, driveways, and campgrounds for our Hot Wheels cars that stretched from one end of our ranch home to the other.

So, what are some of my kids favorite things to play with? Well, many days, Dylan aspires to be an inventor. He loves boxes. Any kind of box. He has many imaginative ideas for simple cereal boxes. Here he is pictured with his latest creation. To me it is a flattened cereal box. To him it is a "Magic Board". I don't know if you can tell from the picture, but you stand on the Magic Board and twist at the hips. The Magic Board glides over the carpet and the twisting motion actually propels him forward. He has been propelling himself through the house on his Magic Board for the past few days. I tried it and was able to move about a little, but I am not as proficient as he. It is great exercise and very imaginative. He has an outdoor prototype ready to test in our next snowfall. To me it is a flattened cereal box wrapped in a plastic shopping bag... to him it is a waterproof, outdoor, "Magic Snow Board". I love imagination!

Lily is a collector of trinkets. I am not sure what the fascination is, but she is enamoured with tags. Whenever a new product comes into our house with a dangling tag, it is her goal to acquire the tag. Yes, she has "real" toys, but they don't interest her half as much as tags. She likes to put them in little boxes, her little purse, or her Dora bag, and carry them around the house. Several times we have been away from home and she pulls a tag out of her pocket and shows me, "see, Xiao Xiao's". I find it cute, but maybe a little sad at the same time. I am not sure what the fascination is with the tags. My theory is that it represents "newness", and perhaps life in an orphanage rarely afforded her anything new. Nonetheless, they make her happy.

And, then there is "Legs". This character was an unnamed, mediocre, military action figure that originally belonged to Dylan. After his horrible accident, Zachary acquired him (at least this much of him), named him "Legs", and has completely rehabilitated him. I am amazed at what Legs can accomplish with just... well... legs! Legs can drive cars, trucks, and bulldozers. I've seen him battle pirates, command ships, and spacecrafts. He is currently one of Zach's favorite toys, and with the aid of a little imagination, there isn't much that Legs can't do.

So, as we head toward the store aisles and catalogs, into the land of glitz and things that go "zzzip" when they move, "bopp" when they stop, and "brrr" when they stand still, I want to give my kids things they will love and enjoy. But, in the long run, can I really compete with boxes, tags, and... Legs?

Could it be you?

I just read about these children on Cara's blog. These are healthy children that are available for adoption. They are age 13, which puts them at great risk of "aging out" at 14, if not placed SOON! The future outlook for orphans aging out of the system is not extremely positive. Much is being done to expedite these adoptions, including significant financial assistance. Adopting older children has unique challenges, but great rewards, as well (I speak not from my experience, but testimonies of others). If you have ever considered adopting an older child, or if your children are grown or nearly grown and you are not ready to be "empty nesters" just yet, won't you pray about these possibilities? Pass this link on to others who might be interested... let's see if we can't get these kids home soon!

Margin

Two subjects of interest to me are adoption and finances. Because I am both an adoptive parent and a volunteer budget coach (www.crown.org), I want to respond to something I have heard numerous times in regards to adoption, involving both subjects. More than once, I've heard people say something like, "We'd like to do that, but we just can't afford it". I, too, initially thought that, but I know that, within reason, most of us can afford to do what is really important to us.

First, let me dispel a rumor about adoption costs. Most people think adoption is "expensive". It really is not... it's the bureaucracy that is costly. But, since you can't get through it without the bureaucracy, it can become a costly process. This is not a reason to just dismiss the possibilities, though. Very early in the process, I was also in the "we just can't afford it" camp. And, even still there are expenses yet to be covered, which stresses me out... but my daughter is priceless!

If the "we'd like to do that" part is more than just talk, there are many routes that can be considered to help with the sting of adoption expenses. First of all, there are thousands of available children in the US foster care system that are available for adoption. Most of these adoptions are state expedited and have very few bureaucratic expenses. Outside of that, there are many organizations that offer grants for adoption expenses. There are some individuals who are opposed to adoption fundraising, and I respect their opinion; but I say, as long as it's tasteful, won't someday embarrass your future son or daughter, and that's what it takes to get kids in loving homes... go for it! Adoptive parents come up with some very creative and fun ideas to help get their kiddos home.

Lastly, I want to pull in my budgeting background. I may be stepping on some toes here, but I'll try to tread lightly! I believe many families cannot afford to adopt because they live a lifestyle that pushes them to the financial edge. America is a very debt-driven country. (We are feeling a lot of the effects of that with the recent economic fractures.) So many Americans are frantically working like a hamster on a wheel to fund a mortgaged, leased, and loaned lifestyle, without any sense of margin. Margin is what can allow the wiggle room for a financial course correction to fund such things as adoption. It is a sense of living BELOW your means-- a concept foreign to many. I firmly believe that if more families lived a more "old fashioned" financial lifestyle... more savings to pay for things up front, less debt, and more contentment with a modest lifestyle... that more families would have the margin to be able to adopt if the desire is there. Just my opinion...

beauty in broken things

The other night, as I was traveling through some random adoptive blog links, I happened upon a blog titled, "Sea Glass and Jade". It is the blog of a China-adoption-in-progress family that lives in a coastal area, where they are collectors of sea glass (bits of glass, frosted and worn smooth by the surf; also called beach glass). Finding their blog reminded me of a story that I have thought about recording several times, but have avoided. It is a great story, but I hesitate to share it, because it is a rare epiphany moment that is not characteristic of my life. Nevertheless, here's the story:

the background:
The summers of '05, '06, and '07 (before our lives got so crazy) we were blessed to spend a week of vacation on the beaches of the Outer Banks of North Carolina (we love OBX!). The first year, while looking for nice shells, I accidentally stumbled upon my first piece of beach glass. I was hooked. Thereafter, instead of looking for the perfect shell, I scoured the beach, looking for these shiny bits of trash-turned-treasure.

the decision:
In May of '07, after wrestling with the adoption question for about a year, we found a little girl among China's special needs children that launched us into the adoption process. We frantically began our paperwork, trying to beat the initial deadlines to be considered for her. However, the process ended as quickly as it started, as a life event arose that seemed as though it would make an adoption from China only remotely possible in the distant future, if at all. This was very confusing, as we were convinced that the Lord had lead us in this direction.

the struggle:
In June of '07, we went on our planned trip to OBX. For me, this trip was more a time of restlessness and soul-searching, than it was relaxing. Although I spent much time with my family, I found myself wanting to spend time by myself on the beach more than other years. I was wrestling with God over whether I misunderstood, or if I just made a decision based purely on emotions. It was a unanimous family decision, but had I mislead my family? I am not normally a very decisive decision maker. I have struggled most of my adult life with determining the mysteries of God's plan for my life... but adoption was different. I had never been so sure about a decision in my life. I was sure we were supposed to adopt. I was sure it was supposed to be a child from China. And, I was almost sure it was to be a special needs adoption. Yet, the door seemed closed with few human options for opening it.

the story gets good:
As I walked along the edge of the surf, head down, eyes straining to catch the sun glinting off a piece of beach glass, the thought occurred to me that this search was a bit of a parallel to my desires for adoption. The phrase kept coming to me: "beauty in broken things". All around me were beach combers in search of the perfect shell, while my desire was for something that, although beautiful to me, was broken, discarded, and overlooked by most others. I am trying to write this tactfully, without sounding demeaning; but, is this not a picture of the orphaned child, especially those with special needs? They are often broken, discarded, abused, abandoned, or overlooked by most. So, I searched for glass, I turned the phrase over and over in my mind, and I wrestled with the orphan/adoption dilemma: why so many others could, but wouldn't; yet, I would, but it appeared that I couldn't.

the story gets better:
Dylan sometime hunts for beach glass with me. He rarely finds any and gets frustrated easily, because he has difficulty training his eyes to spot the lone piece of glass among the vastness of sand, gravel, and broken shells. The routine is as follows: Dylan: (picking up a bit of colored shell) "Is this a piece, Dad?" Dad: "Nope, that's a broken shell, but keep looking." Toward the end of the week of vacation, Dylan and I were looking for glass, when he picked up a plain white object with smooth edges and a slight curve. He asked me about it and I dismissed it as just another piece of broken shell. As he dropped it, it flipped over and my eye caught an interesting pattern of color on the other side. I picked it up and discovered that it actually wasn't a broken shell, but that it was a piece of the rim of a broken dinner plate. I saw that the pattern of color was a part of the plate's design that had not yet been erased by the surf. What I actually saw in the pattern, though, startled me. Well preserved in blue against white, was a depiction of a small structure and the architecture was characteristic of China! It wasn't an audible voice, but at that very moment, I sensed in my spirit that God had washed up that very specific piece of pottery, in that precise spot on the miles of coastline, for Dylan to find for me. (He can do things like that, you know!) It was as if God used this broken, discarded piece of pottery to confirm to me, "Yes, there is beauty in broken things and I know you cannot see how, but you will adopt a special needs child from China." I have never before or since experienced anything like this.

the bad before good:
I don't wish to go into specifics, but a few months later, another very unforseen life event occured that now made a Chinese adoption possible, once again. While I wish that I could say that this is the happy ending, we aren't there yet. The way in which this occurred was very difficult, and required us to draw more strength from God. I am sure there were many lessons in this whole experience, and I am also sure that many of these lessons are yet to be absorbed.

the happy ending:
In September of '07, we found another little girl among the special needs children of China. She is now our daughter. She is not broken... but she is beautiful!

Be different. Be you.

My cousin, Mike, submitted this for a tagline contest at the Little Miss Matched website. His entry has been selected in the top 25 (out of a gazillion million entries!). Help make Mike "famous"... go to the contest website and register a vote for "Be different. Be You." before November 19th!

Who gnu?

Who gnu? Well, I didn't... but bloggers Jean and Jen correctly identified him as a gnu (refer to previous post here). Kudos to you! (Glad I have intelligent readers!) According to Webster, a gnu is "a large south African antelope". Now, you gnow!

Adoption bulletin!

I've commented before that I enjoy listening to the Chris Fabry Live radio show. It is an hour long call-in Christian talk radio show on our local Moody affiliate station (airing at 3 PM EST). Chris welcomes topic suggestions from listeners, and he sometimes follows up on those suggestions. A few weeks ago, I contacted Chris and informed him that November is National Adoption Awareness Month. I commented how so many of the radio programs about adoption feature celebrities. Although I appreciate celebrities speaking out on adoption, I don't want average families to get the impression that adoption is mostly for celebrities. I suggested that he have a program about all aspects of adoption (impossible to cover in one hour, I know) and feature some of the incredible adoption testimonies of "average" families. I also suggested featuring Natalie Gillespie, author of Successful Adoption, a Guide for Christian Families, as a possible guest co-host.

Chris liked the idea and has been working to put the program together. He doesn't schedule programs too far ahead, so I asked him to give me a "heads up" when it is upcoming. I just got an email from him saying that he is almost sure the program will be tomorrow (Thursday 11/13). Hopefully you can tune in! Check your local Moody radio listing or listen live at 3 PM EST at http://www.chrisfabrylive.org/.

Pass the word along, fellow adoptive bloggers!

November...

...late autumn, harvest, chilly nights, Thanksgiving... adoption? At first glance, it would seem that one of these topics does not fit. But, did you know that November is National Adoption Awareness Month?

Since we are in the midst of November and I am passionate about adoption, I must, once again, make a plea for the orphans of the world. I do this, not because I think you haven't already heard similar pleas, but because I continually hope that somewhere out there is a family reading this, who might be considering adoption, but has not yet committed to it. That's where we were for quite some time. But, as adoption was continually placed before us, in one form or another, we finally reached a point where we could no longer resist the thought of so many of the world's children alone, with no one to love them. Oh, many of them may have caretakers that really care about them, but it's just not the same as the love of a forever family.

As we stood on the brink of a decision, I will admit that it was frightening. There were so many things to be afraid of. What if we can't afford another child? How can we afford the adoption expenses? What if we can't love them the same as biological children? What if they have hidden health issues? What if they have behavioral or attachment issues? How will it affect our current family dynamics? And on and on the questions go. All legitimate questions. But, at least for us, none of them really strong enough arguments to justify turning our backs on these children. It seemed that God had placed a burden on our hearts that was more intense than our fears.

In the event that you are wrestling with some similar fears, let me offer the perspective of an adoptive Dad. The fears are real. But who doesn't have similar fears over a pregnancy? I have three biological sons, and I was apprehensive with each of their arrivals. I had similar fears over the cost of children, the health and safe delivery of children, the effect of the addition on the current family. But, biological or adopted, now that they are here, I can't imagine life without any of them.

As to adoption expenses, let me say this: everyone thinks adoption is expensive. I do not agree. Rather, bureaucracy is expensive! There are many creative ways to fund adoption expenses, from grants to fundraisers, there are many options to explore. There's also good old fashioned belt-tightening saving for something that really matters to you. If it matters enough, you'll find a way.

Sometimes, even the pictures and profiles of available children can make prospective parents fearful. In most of our daughter's referral photos, she had a fearful, hollow, almost pathetic, look in her eyes. But, so many of these kids have experienced a lifetime of loss in just a few short years. Many times, they look fearful and hollow because they are fearful and hollow. All that hollowness, though, can be like a sponge, just waiting to soak up the love and trust of a family. When they get filled up, there is so much life and personality that can flow out of these children.

I would be remiss to insinuate that all adoptions are "happy ever after" stories. Many, many are; but some are are not. There are times when love can't heal all wounds. But, I remind you that this is the case with biological children, as well. Parenting involves risk. Period.

Adoption isn't for everyone, but, are you reading this as one who is considering adoption? What is stopping you? Is it the fear? Is it the expense? Is it just the difficulty involved with getting through all the hoops? They are all valid. But I can tell you that absolutely none of those fears and difficulties mattered on June 30, 2008, when I knelt in an office building in Guangzhou, China, and first held a frightened little Chinese girl named Longxiao. I knew I was meant to be her Daddy and nothing else mattered.

I will leave you with a staggering statement that I recently found, by Steven Curtis Chapman. Here is the quote as it appeared in a CNN news article:

"If only 7 percent of the 2 billion Christians in the world would care for a single orphan in distress, there would effectively be no more orphans. If everybody would be willing to simply do something to care for one of these precious treasures, I think we would be amazed by just how much we could change the world."

Just seven percent of Christians could eliminate the world's orphans? Seven percent! Wow, we can make a difference! The full article appears at the link in the text above. Here are a few other links, if you're interested:

• Shaohannah's Hope
• How to Adopt
• I Care About Orphans

And, a video finale... Kleenex may be required!

Tow Mater?

Zach is in the process of losing all of his front teeth at once. Jen commented this evening at dinner that his new smile looks a bit like Tow Mater from the movie "Cars". Zach is a kid that has the ability to laugh at himself and he loves "Cars", so he thought it was really funny to be compared to 'Mater. He thought is was so funny, that he wanted his photo shot for the blog!

what is it?

This picture was recently featured on one of Zachary's first grade worksheets about silent consonants. The instructions were to select whether the featured item started with a "gn" or "wr". Zachary was stumped, so he asked my wife what the picture was. My wife was stumped, so she asked me for help. I said, "well, of course, everyone knows its a... uhh... hmm... its a... well, it looks like a... I don't know". I finally figured it out, with the help of my trusty Webster's dictionary, but, apart from that, I never would have figured it out... and neither would my first grader. I mean, come on, who writes this stuff?

Just curious, do you know the answer (without consulting Webster)? stay tuned! I'll tell you who this character is in a few days. (I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat!)

Happy Anniversary!

Without any fanfare, our eleventh wedding anniversary passed yesterday. I am a very nostalgic kind of guy, so the fact that we didn't do anything to commemorate it bothers me, a little. We just neither one had the energy, nor did we feel like fighting the Saturday evening crowds for a meal out. We usually dust off our wedding video and watch it on our anniversary, but we didn't even do that. It's funny, when we were newlyweds, we dreamed that we might take a cruise to commemorate our tenth anniversary. Last year, to mark our tenth, we, instead, dropped our two boys at a friend's house and went to a Chinese buffet and Wal-Mart. At that dinner, we mostly talked about our kids... the two we already had and a little girl in China who, a few months earlier, had captured our hearts. A year later, all six of us hung out and watched a classic movie together. I, snuggling on the couch with that little girl from China, and Jen snuggling in the chair with a little boy that wasn't even on our radar screen a year ago. Yes, I should date my wife more, but last night, we skipped the fanfare to do one of our favorite things... don an old pair of sweats and spend a cool November evening cozied up with our four favorite kids.

For those who didn't know us then, we were married on a cold, wet, dreary November afternoon. We had a fairly simple and traditional ceremony, with light refreshments and cake following. Nothing really fancy, but that's the way we wanted it. My favorite thing to remember about that day was how breathtakingly beautiful my bride was when she walked down the aisle, on the arm of her father, in the most stunning wedding dress I had and have ever seen. Our biggest splurge was the photographer... we were only planning to do this once and we wanted nice pictures to remember it. We spent our honeymoon in a log cabin in the Smoky Mountains, above Gatlinburg, Tennessee.

In eleven years, we've had our share of highs and lows. I was recently unemployed at the time of our wedding, as I am today. We are both stubborn first-borns, so we've had our share of disputes and disagreements. I probably don't show her or tell her enough, but through the ups and downs, she is my best friend and I love her dearly.

Jen, thank you for being my faithful wife, my best friend, and a great mother to my four beautiful babies. I love you!

THEN

NOW

more pictures

Another pretty outfit. Lily loves joining in the boys adventures, but she also loves being a little lady.

My favorite Lily and my favorite Benny.

Here's a cute one of Ben.

They call themselves "Spy Warriors"! (Swim goggles never go out of season!)

Jen caught Ben and I in snooze mode.

dollars and scents

Yesterday, I needed to make a "man shopping" run. The boys were working on their lessons, so I asked Lily if she'd like to go with me. She thought she was cool to get to go with Daddy while the boys stayed home to do school.

I have never noticed her do this before, but I thought is was amusing. She, without prompt, kept a running commentary of smells! Here's how it went:

• Home Depot garden center (scent: fertilizer), "Xiao Xiao no like." (waving hand in front of squinted nose)
• Harbor Freight Tools (scent: an industrial, metallic, faint rubber smell), "Mmm, Xiao Xiao like." (breathing deeply)
• Wal-Mart (scent: cutting through the candle aisle), "Mmm, Xiao Xiao like" (breathing deeply)
• Outside Wal-Mart walking past the employee smoking area (scent: outdoor cigarette smoke), "Mmm, Xiao Xiao like." (breathing deeply)
• Auto Zone (scent: oily, auto parts smell), "Xiao Xiao no like." (waving hand in front of squinted nose)

I enjoyed spending a few hours with her and her antics made me smile!

Five dollars!

This week, being unemployed, I have been splitting my time between resume writing/job searching and working on our remodeling project. Wednesday afternoon, as I was working on the house, I took a break to chat with my neighbor across the street. He is in his sixties and is recovering from pneumonia. I found this out earlier in the week when I called over to his house to check on them when I noticed the leaves piling up... not like Mr. O. at all! He is independent and hard-working, and often waves off my offers to help him. Mr. O. mentioned in Wednesday's conversation (not as a hint) that he needed to try to get his adult granddaughter over to help with the yard.

After our conversation, Dylan and Zachary (6 & 8) looked like they needed a project to occupy them, so I suggested that maybe they could help Mr. O. out by raking some leaves for him, since he's not feeling well. They got excited and ran to the garage for the rakes... if only they'd get that excited about raking my leaves! Our family thinks a lot of Mr. and Mrs. O., so I'm glad they were eager to help him... and I figured he'd have a harder time telling them he didn't need help! I took them over and got them started, and I could see most of Mr. O.'s yard from where I was working. I checked on them periodically, and they were doing a good job.

I wanted them to do the project to learn about helping others. I did not expect them to be paid, nor did they consider getting paid. We were just trying to help out a neighbor and friend. However, knowing Mr. O., I should have known better. When they finished up, they excitedly came home with five dollars, each! I hope they still learned a lesson and I hope they won't expect to be paid every time they help someone out. I think they got it. But, I had opportunity to reinforce the lesson today.

I cleaned my gutters this afternoon. While I still had my ladder and blower out, I asked Mr. O. if he would mind if I cleaned his gutters, as well. He hesitated, but let me do it. His wife was at work, and as I was finishing up, he had to leave to drive his daughter to an appointment. His yard isn't that big, and I figured I could get the leaves raked before he got back. The boys came over to help me, and as we were raking, Dylan asked me if I thought Mr. O. would pay me. When I said that he already had, Dylan looked surprised. With wide eyes he said, "he did? when?" This, I thought, was a perfect opportunity to finish driving home the lesson that started a few days earlier. I answered, "he's paid me with his friendship, he's paid me when I've needed to borrow a tool, he's paid me when he watches our house and waters our garden when we're on vacation, he's paid me when he moves my empty trash cans off the curb when I'm at work... it's not always about money." It was one of those experiences when you could almost see the light bulb coming on as Dylan said, "yeah, I guess you're right... I didn't think of it that way."

Lily's prayer

It has been a while since I have posted an actual adjustment update about Lily. Actually, to talk about how Lily is adjusting is a misnomer. The first weeks, the focus of adjustment was about her, but by this point, the family is adjusting as a unit to life as it comes to us, or at us, depending on the week. She is just one piece of the larger unit. That is how it should feel, I think.

With Lily, we have our good times, and our not-so-good times... more of the good, though. As a rule, she is cooperative and eager to please; bright and cheery; happy and smiley. But, there is an exception to every rule, and for her it is whiny! Maybe it's just being three, but it can sure be annoying. I don't mean to be disrespectful to her culture, but just being honest... I sometimes call her "Whinese". (Disclaimer: I used this term when Dylan and Zachary were younger, long before we ever crossed paths with the Chinese culture, whose people I have great respect for).

Although she still has a long way to go with the English language, it is improving. The big change that I have noticed in the past week, or so, is that the language has transitioned from being mostly used to communicate needs, to communicating gratitude. She had learned the words, "thank-you", but mostly parroted them when told to do so. However, this seemed to "click" during trick-or-treat.

Every year, I always give my kids a "remember to say thank-you" lecture as we leave the house. And, yet, it seems that at nearly every house, I'm still saying, "what do you say"? But, this year was a little different. At the first few houses, I told Lily, "say thank-you", and she repeated it. But, it only took a few houses. After that, at nearly every house, she said "tang-choo" without prompt. Trick-or-treat was a bit of a "wow" experience for Lily. I don't think she had ever experienced generosity on this magnitude. So many strangers, smiling, and pushing candy in her bucket for doing nothing but looking like a darn cute ladybug, I think was a little overwhelming (in a positive way) for her. She didn't get very excited, but the neat thing was, while my biological kids had to still sometimes be prompted to express gratitude (artificial?), my adopted kid, at least for that evening, got it... hers was from the heart and required little prompting.

I have also been the beneficiary of this Daddy-melting gratitude in the past week, as well. Several times when I have done something for her, she has said, "tang-choo baba/dada-y" (she recently started switching back and forth between calling me baba or dada-y) . She will sometimes initiate a kiss and say, "Xiao Xiao love baba/dada-y". She doesn't have the concept of "I" yet, so sometimes she drops the "Xiao Xiao" and just says, "love baba/dada-y". Its at moments like those, I forget all about the "Whinese" and love being that little girl's dada-y!

Finally, one more neat Lily story: Just this week, she started praying. It's so cute! I'm pretty sure she doesn't have much understanding of what she's doing, but she has learned that it is something we often do and that is has some importance, so she wants to participate. Her prayers are partly English, partly Chinese, and partly nonsense. They go something like this:

"mmm baba. mmm mama. mmm Xiao Xiao. mmm gugu (brother). mmm gugu. mmm baby. mmm gampa. mmm gamma. mmm baba. mmm mama. mmm 'MEN!"

Lily Xiao Xiao, I love you, and my prayer for you is that you will someday come to know our Heavenly "Dada-y".

on voting...

I have often heard it said that the two things you shouldn't discuss are religion and politics. The great thing about a blog, though, is that you can discuss both, and be much less offensive... I think. After all, you can choose whether or not to read the author's opinion. That being said, here are my thoughts on Election '08:

While I am proud to be an American, and I think that we are very blessed to be able to vote in our country's political system, I really dislike politics. I ignore the commercials and I pay little attention to the debates (with the exception of the Saddleback Forum and the SNL spoofs). I get so tired of all the negativity and dirt. Sadly, political races often come down to backing the lesser of the evils... even more so this year.

So, who is the lesser? Speaking as a Christian, I know there are believers supporting both parties. It's not for me to say who's right, but this is simply a view through my lens... if you're interested. It seems to me that there are three main subjects that encompass most of the political rhetoric: economics, defense, and morality. While I care deeply about all three of these areas, I don't think one single candidate has all the right answers for all three areas. I can agree with parts of the economics of both candidates, I have mixed feelings about the "War in Iraq", and, with both candidates claiming to be Christians, I can find good in the moral platforms of both candidates. Unfortunately, the Presidential race is an entree, not a la carte.

Ultimately, I know that God is sovereign, no matter who sits in the Oval Office. He can accomplish His will through good and bad leaders. The Bible is witness to that. Still, I think as a Christian, I should be a good steward of the privilege to vote, and should try to elect candidates that are more likely to align our country with a Godly world view. Obviously, God's ways are higher than our ways, but he does give us the Bible as a guide. If I try to filter the election through a Christian world view, what does that look like to me?

I am sure God cares about economics, but I doubt that He takes much stock in "the American dream". The Bible and politics both have much to say about economics. However, the Bible's approach is from the perspective of stewardship, and politics from the perspective of lifestyle. Huge difference! So, while economics is very important (I am currently unemployed), I don't think I can make it the primary factor.

Defense is a tough one. I don't feel as though I am knowledgeable enough to give a great opinion on this topic. The Bible addresses both war and peace, but I'm not sure I can find a lot of clear cut answers to the current War in Iraq. Although defense is very important, for me, it can't be the hot button of candidate decision.

That leaves morality. And, yes, I'll admit up front, this is where the crux of my decision is made. Both parties are different, but equally passionate about issues of morality. While not always politically correct by today's standards, the Bible is also passionate about moral issues. You are free to disagree, but let me drill down a little deeper into morality.

One candidate is appealing because of a tendency toward conservative opinions on the sanctity of human life and traditional marriage. Another candidate, although holding more liberal views on life and marriage, expresses appealing views on "loving your neighbor as yourself" and taking care of "the least of these". I believe the Bible supports both of these moral views. Hence, we find Christians in support of both candidates. However, I must ask the question, "is it the Government's job to take care of the least of these?" I, rather, think it is the assignment of you, I, and the Church.

I am concerned about the United States that my children and grandchildren will inherit from my generation. I would like them to inherit a country that enjoys peace with the world and a prosperous economy. But it is much more important to me that they inherit a country that recognizes and respects the authority and standards of God. Regardless of who spends the next four years in Washington, I fear that our country is turning it's back on God, and if so, I wouldn't count on much peace or prosperity. Neither candidate will be the savior of America, but I must vote for the candidate that I feel most closely supports the values that I have derived from Christianity. So, in this year's Presidential election, I will be voting for...

...well, I'll not be specific, but I think you can figure it out.