the rest of the story...

As I was wrapping up last night's post and heading to bed, I realized that the birthday story was not quite complete. I thought about how joyous it was for us to celebrate January 16th, but I was also saddened to think that half a world away is a young woman, who I will never know, for whom this day is probably not so joyous. That young woman was present the moment our daughter took her first breath. That young woman gave life to our daughter.

When I say "our daughter", perhaps you think I am referring to Jen and myself. Actually, I was not. You see, in a strange sort of way, this significant day is shared with this unknown birth mother, for whom a great debt is owed. For it was she who chose life for this little girl.

I must admit that I cannot pretend to know how how she feels. I can only speculate. But, I believe that many birth mothers do not easily make these decisions. I believe that, in a way I will never be able to understand, they make gut-wrenching decisions, believing they are making a loving and good choice for their child. If you have trouble wrapping your mind around that, remember that each child is conceived against a unique backdrop of circumstances, relationships, cultures, religions, economics, and politics; and, until you or I have walked a mile. . . or two. . . or three, in their shoes, I for one, am not qualified to judge the decision they make.

I can only assume that Lily's China Mama loved her very much. I will not go into detail, but what little bit of insight I can gain about her, through the details of Lily's "finding", causes me to believe that my assumption is correct. I believe that somewhere in China is a woman who is haunted by the little girl she held for such a brief period. I believe she often wonders, "... where is she now. . . is she loved. . . did I make the right choice?". . . and on and on the questions roll. And, I also believe that while I celebrate the day of her birth, another probably grieves for the memories that this day brings. And, knowing I am in some cosmic way connected to this woman, I found myself grieving for her and wishing she could know that her sweet girl is loved.

She is not alone. There are millions just like her. And they are not all birth mothers. Certainly there are birth fathers in many of these scenarios that grieve, as well. And it doesn't even stop there. . . there are siblings and grandparents that are affected by hard choices. And there is nothing that you or I can really do about it. . . but to love the children that are caught in the wake of these decisions.

And, so, to these unknown birth parents I say, "I know you made some very difficult choices, but I thank you for making the choice to give life to my daughter. Rest assured, she is loved."