I talkin' a YOU!

I was hanging out with Benny in the backyard a few evenings ago, when he started a game of his version of Follow the Leader/Simon Says, in which he initiates an action and looks at you to imitate it.  His repertoire includes such things as standing, sitting, jumping, leg slapping, whacking himself on the top of the head, banging on any object nearby, running, shouting, fake sneezing/coughing, etc.  It's amusing the way he initiates this game... it is usually a silent initiation.  It involves performing an action and then a hesitation while he gives you this certain Benny "wanna play?" look.  He just silently draws you into his game. 

We played for several minutes when I decided to end my participation and relax in my lawn chair.  Benny was not ready to stop.  He stood up and waited for me to stand.  When I did not, he sat back down and stood up again, waiting for me to follow.  I told him, "Daddy's resting."  He sat back down and stood up, looking at me to follow, and added, "get up!"  Again, I reminded him that I was resting. 

After a few more repeated attempts to get me to stand and continue the game, he changed his tactic.  He stood up and moved over close to my chair, putting one of his little hands on each of my cheeks.  He then turned my face toward his and moved his face as close to mine as he could manage and said, very authoritatively, "I talkin' a YOU!"

I stood up and played a little while longer.

A good day

Our local Kiwanis Club sponsors an annual Junior Olympics for grades K-6.  It is held each year in May at our high school track, and some members of the high school track team are always there to assist with the events.  I really appreciate the Kiwanis Club for making this investment in our kids, but I also give props to the high school track team members who participate.  The students who are there each year enthusiastically volunteer their Saturday morning, and they seem to really enjoy working with the possible future members of the track team to follow in their shoes.  They are always very encouraging of all the kids, no matter their abilities.

The event was this Saturday, and the weather was perfect.  Dylan, Zachary and Lily participated this year, and both my parents and Jen's parents came to cheer on their Grandkids.  I was never an athlete in school, but I considered joining the track team, and I think I would have enjoyed it.  Jen was taking pictures, and I was supposed to be watching Ben.  At one point in the first competition (Zachary's long jump) I got so involved in cheering for Zachary and Blake (our Pastor's son), that I lost Benny.  There was a moment of panic until we spotted him climbing to the top of the bleachers.  Actually, Zachary spotted him and was yelling and pointing from the field, while waiting for his turn to jump.  Fortunately, the bleachers were enclosed by fencing, but there was still plenty of opportunity for a kid like Benny to get hurt.  That was my "wake up call"... I didn't lose Benny any more, when he was in my charge!

Zachary measured 9'-5" in the long jump, earning him the silver medal, just 3" short of gold.

Lily took the bronze medal in the standing jump.

This was Lily's first year to participate.

Zachary won the gold medal in the obstacle course.

Lily ran the 50M for a silver medal.

This was Dylan's last year to participate and he had a rough and disappointing day.  He signed up to run the 50M, the 100M and the 200M.  He ran the 50M first and pulled a muscle in his upper thigh just short of the finish line.  He was solidly in 2nd place when he pulled the muscle, but limped across the finish line in last place (4th), just seconds away from 3rd.  He limped off the track with a few tears in his eyes, in quite a bit of pain and disappointment, knowing he was out of the competition for the day.  He sat in the stands and watched as the other boys ran the 100M and 200M.

Zachary's third event was the 100M, earning him another silver medal.

 

If you look in the background of this photo, you'll see that Benny was not going to miss out on the running action.  He was getting restless, so Jen's Dad took him out to play on the other side of the field, during the last of the awards ceremony.  At this point, he got away, and ran for freedom across the field.  Here you see him ahead of my Father-In-Law, and about to be cut off by Zachary.

Jen's parent's treated us to lunch at Arby's afterwards and I came home and spent the afternoon working on the final trim needed for the living room to be ready for the soon-to-be-installed carpet.  I knocked off at dinner time.  After dinner, Benny and I took a nice walk to a local park to play and to scout a possible geocache hiding spot.

Early that evening, I casually mentioned that it looked like a good night for sleeping in the tent. I wasn't really serious about doing it, but Zachary latched onto that and really wanted to. Jen wisely reminded me that I shouldn't "put it out there" if I wasn't serious. She was right, so I grabbed the 8 x10 (we own four different tents of various sizes), which goes up quickly. We popped it up in the backyard, grabbed some sleeping pads and bags, and built a backyard fire. After all this, I checked the forecast... mid 40's for the low. Chilly, but the mummy bags can handle that. The last time we tried to camp with Benny, he didn't do so well with sleeping in the tent. Jen suggested that I include him in our "guys night" to see how he would do. I didn't think he'd like a mummy bag, so I put him in a kid-sized rectangular, in his footed fleece sleeper and a fleece hat, with an extra blanket over him. He slept solidly until about 5 AM, when he woke up toasty warm, but wanting Mama. I could have probably got him back to sleep, but he was making a rucus and I didn't want to wake the neighbors, so we all four just grabbed our pillows and went to the house for the last few hours of the morning.

It was one of those Saturdays when it was a good day to be a Dad!

lessons from Benny

With the arrival of spring weather, Benny really wants to be outside!  I enjoy walking, and often take walks around the neighborhood to unwind after work.  He enjoys riding in the stroller (who wouldn't?), so the two of us (and sometimes some of the other kids), can often be seen strolling around town in the evenings.  Benny has a certain park that he loves to go to, and the playground equipment there is just his size, so this is one of our favorite destinations.

If you spend any time with Benny, one thing that is obvious about him is that he is a social creature.  He may not have an extensive vocabulary, and he really cannot engage in a conversation unless it is within a limited range of topics.  (Even a simple question like, "what's your name?", gets lost on Benny).  However, it doesn't matter if they understand him, or not, Benny will talk to anyone.

Anyone.

And therein lies the lesson.

I consider myself a pretty friendly guy.  Yet, I am selectively friendly.  I tend to size up people when I pass them on the sidewalk, and only give a friendly "hi" to those I deem as friendly, or receptive of my greeting.  Not so with Benny... happy couple pushing a stroller, friendly looking grandfather-type, teenage lovers neckin' on the sidewalk, or heavily tattooed and pierced individual spewing profanity:  all the same to Benny... people.  And if people are in the vicinity of Benny, they usually can't escape his enthusiastic, "Hi!"

I sometimes cringe when he shouts out a greeting, but I think God smiles.  I think Benny sees people much like God does, without stereotypes and preconceived ideas... just people.

I'm writing this for myself, but I suspect it applies to more than just me.  Might the world be a better place if everyone saw people through eyes like Benny's?

another happy birthday

This is one of those short snippets of life that I never want to forget. 

I've mentioned before that my youngest, Benny (age 3 1/2), is developmentally delayed, and although growing, his verbal skills and vocabulary are behind most kids his age.  One big example is vocabulary to express emotions.  As previously written here and here, he knows what "I'm sad" feels like, but he communicates it, "I sorry".  He also knows what "I'm happy" feels like, but he communicates it, "happy birthday!"

This weekend, Jen was away with her Mom on a women's retreat with her Mom's church.  I was in charge... which means I put aside many of the projects that often distract me, and focused on just being a Dad a little more than I usually do. 

Saturday was unseasonably warm in northeast Ohio... like 70-degree-range-two-months-earlier-than-normal warm!  Saturday evening, I got the fire pit out of the shed and set it up for the first backyard fire of the season.  I was sitting around the fire with all the kids, with Benny cuddling on my lap (the ONLY safe place for Benny to be when a fire is burning!)

Benny looked up at me and sweetly asked, "Dad... this a happy birthday?"

Yes, Benny, not by the calendar, but the moment feels a lot like a happy birthday to me!

some-ping

Although three year-old Ben's language still lags far behind his peers, he has been making big strides in the past several months.  Occasionally, he catches us off guard with a word we didn't know he knew, or a phrase we've never heard before.  It usually has one of two results:  excitement or laughter.

Last night was another example (of the laughter variety).  We all went out to do a little shopping for things for the new part of the house, and we were going to grab a few sandwiches at Chick-Fil-A (none of us have ever eaten there before).  As we drove into the parking lot, we could see the restaurant was very crowded, had a play area, and looked like an environment that would tax Benny's behaviour.  Since we weren't going to be out much longer, we decided, instead, to just pick up a pizza on the way home.  Everyone understood the decision, except Benny, whose belly was telling him it needed food and drink.

The conversation went something like this:

Ben: "Noach!" (his word for "milk")

Jen:  "I don't have any, we'll get you some when we get home."

Ben: "Juice!"

Jen:  "I don't have any of that either... we'll be home soon."

Ben:  "Grrrrrrr!"

Ben:  "Fwies!"  (fries)

Jen:  "We're going to have some pizza when we get home."

Ben: "Noach!"

Jen:  "I don't have any milk, buddy."

Ben:  "I NEED... SOME-PING!"

Laughter ensued!

happy birthday!

There is a sidebar story to last weekend's events of moving into the new kitchen that I don't want to get lost in the busyness of life. 

Benny's language and vocabulary skills seem to be growing almost daily, which thrills us!  But, he is still obviously way behind a typical three year-old.  It is still often hard for us to understand a lot of what he tries to communicate, and it is often hard to understand what he understands.  It can be frustrating... for both him and us!

He is, however, very social.  He'll talk to you whether or not you understand, and he'll laugh at himself, even if nobody quite knows what is funny.  He's a real character. 

Occasionally, though, he communicates something pretty profound in a way you would never expect.  Just such a thing happened this past weekend.

Benny couldn't really tell us what he understood about the whole concept of waiting seven years to move into a part of the house that we had never before occupied.  He couldn't tell us what he understood about the feeling of finally having a fully functional kitchen, and a dining area and table big enough to accommodate six people.  He couldn't tell us what he understood about how much we all hated the cramped, dingy, drafty "temporary" kitchen we were moving out of.

But, he new something exciting was going on.  He knew the family was excited.  He knew he was excited about the open space to expand his toys into and explore.  He knew he was excited to finally have a place at the table with the family.  His expressions and his actions told us he was excited!  However, he wanted to tell us with words, just so there was no mistake that he was excited.

Pretty hard for a kid who knows what he wants to communicate, but doesn't have the words.  And, even though Benny experienced the feelings, he just didn't exactly have those words.

As Jen was getting him ready for bed last Saturday night (the night we opened the wall and ate our first meal in the new kitchen), he pointed down (his bedroom is over top of the new area) and repeatedly and excitedly said, "down... happy birthday!"  It took us a little while to figure it out, but he was telling us that in the limited vocabulary he has, the only words he could find to match the excitement of the evening was a good, heartfelt "happy birthday!"  The interpretation: "down[stairs] [is exciting like a] happy birthday!"

Since then, he has randomly, and on numerous occasions, walked into the kitchen and exclaimed, "happy birthday!" with a big smile on his face.  Yes, Benny Jay, it is exciting like a happy birthday!

"I don' wannit"

I've said many times that Benny is a puzzle.  I love him to pieces, but I don't always "get" him.

Benny's limited (but growing) communication is very two-dimensional in a world that functions on three-dimensional communication. 

What do I mean by this?  Most people can tell you their preferences, then tell you why they have those preferences.  The "why" is the third dimension that gives shape to the basic two-dimensional fact.  It completes the picture and helps you understand what makes a person who they are and why they make some of the choices they do. 

While I don't think most three year-olds have a complete grasp of three-dimensional communication, it is a skill that is emerging.  The concept of the "five W's" (who? what? when? where? why?) are beginning to be understood receptively, and used expressively... everyone has probably been around a toddler who has continual questions, right?

Benny does not yet have a concept of the five W's... receptively nor expressively.  It's not that Benny doesn't ask questions, but he tends to learn language in "chunks".  At this point, language for Benny seems to be a series of one to four word chunks that he learns as a chunk and uses as a chunk.  The skill of mixing the chunks up to create other chunks is not really something with which he has much skill.  For example, Benny might say "hi", and pause for your response, and appropriately follow it by "how you doing?".  I don't think he really understands the individual words how, are, you and doing, but "how you doing?" is a chunk he has learned comes after the chunk "hi".  It sounds good, but he can't answer the question, "how are you doing?", which proves he doesn't really understand some of the language he uses.

I say this to convey a recent humorous Benny decision, for which we have no logical explanation.

Benny loves Matchbox/Hot Wheels cars.  For his birthday, he received a package of five cars and trucks.  He was thrilled.  He spent most of the evening lining all five of them up, rolling them across the table, or carrying them around.

A few days after his birthday, though, the baby blue 1959 Corvette was ostracized.  Benny distinctly decided he did not like, and did not want, the Corvette.  For no apparent reason, it was noticeably left behind.  Thinking it was just a mood or phase, Jen and I have returned it to him many, many times in the weeks since his birthday.  We'll often hand it to him and say something like, "here, you forgot one."  When he sees that it is the '59 Vette, he shoves it away and says, "I don' wannit."  Since making this decision, he has been 100% consistent.

I have never seen him make such a definite decision about disliking one particular toy, and I'd REALLY like to know why he has selected this one bright, shiny, new car to ostracize from his group of many cars.  However, any attempts to ask him "why?" just lead to a reaffirmation of, "I don' wannit!"  He'll play with just about any Matchbox-sized car he can get his hands on... whether it's his or one of his sibling's.  But, NOT this one:

the ostracized Corvette

So, if anyone has ever dreamed of owning a baby blue 1959 Corvette, Benny has one he'll sell you... really cheap!  We're not sure why... but one thing we DO know is that he "don' wannit!"

Benny is three!

Ever met a three year-old who didn't want to open birthday presents?  I don't think I had... until last evening.

To be fair, Benny does not yet really grasp the concept of birthdays.  Presents do not have a big "wow" factor for him, either, because he is a very literal kid... if he can't see what's in the package, he has little interest in its contents.

Let me turn the clock back from this photo and set the stage.  His birthday was a school day for him, so he had put in a full day there (about 8 AM to 4:30 PM, counting the bus ride each way).  I got home from work about 6:30, so his birthday events took place in the evening.  He LOVES to be outside, and we had all just finished up dinner and homework, and headed outside.  To Benny, this translates something like, "It's been a REALLY long day, but I FINALLY get to do what I want to do!", which, at that moment, was run around the driveway pushing his coupe car, and having a Nerf sword fight with his older brothers.

Don't interrupt me for something like birthday presents... can't you see I'm busy?

So... back to the presents.  Once Mama helped get the wrapping started and he caught a glimpse of the package of cars and trucks inside, his interest was piqued.  Of course, once he got the cars and trucks out of the package, we started the cycle over with no interest any any other presents.

"cars! truck! bus!"

Nope, not really interested in the learning toy... just give me the cars and trucks!

Five new cars and trucks... happy guy!

A bus, just like Benny rides!

Here's an ornery face!

There's the Benny smile!

Three candles for the birthday boy!

We're working on forks and spoons... he prefers hands.

Using the fork, taking a BIG bite!

Playing cars with Grandpa

Bennywood

In West Mifflin, Pennsylvania (a suburb of Pittsburgh), in an area you wouldn't expect to find it, sits a gem known as Kennywood Amusement Park.  Nestled under acres of mature shade trees, with its mix of bigger-badder-faster thrill rides and numerous traditional amusement rides, Kennywood is a classic family park where you can still tote your family-sized coolers of food and non-alcoholic drinks through the gates and leave them parked on a table in one of the park's many clean picnic areas... for the entire day.  It's a place where "company picnics" are still actual picnics, groups wear matching T-shirts to identify themselves, and the click-click-click and clack-clack-clack of wooden roller coasters abound.

I've lived within a reasonable drive of Kennywood my entire life, but had never visited the park until this past Sunday. 

How the trip came to be is a story in itself, but it's my blog, and I'd rather blow by most of those details.  Long story short, it was originally planned and sponsored by Jen's aunt as a group trip for 3 aunts, 2 nieces (my wife being one of the nieces), and the 7 children of the nieces (4 of the 7 being ours).  I have wanted to take my kids to an amusement park for the past few years, but had not, mostly because of my employment/financial situation over that time period.  I was not scheduled to work the day of the proposed trip, and I am comfortable hanging out with her aunts at family functions (most of the men of Jen's family are camo-wearin', deer-slayin', fish-filletin' types, and, while I consider myself an outdoorsman with nothing against those activities, I'm more of a backpack-haulin', trail-hikin', gorp*-likin' type).  So, I thought it natural to invite myself to tag along (at my own expense) to share this first-time experience with my kids.  I guess it wasn't so natural.  Well, actually, I guess I didn't handle myself too diplomatically (I write more diplomatically than I sometimes live).  I unintentionally created an awkward situation by messing with the dynamics of a tradition of ladies/childrens days out... Well, OK... I unintentionally made a butt of myself... but, I'm blowing by those details, remember?  The end result was that Jen's aunt graciously blessed us by sponsoring an opportunity for the six of us to spend a day to ourselves at Kennywood, allowing me to enjoy experiencing my kid's first trip to an amusement park.

*Gorp - Trail mix featuring "Good Ol' Raisins and Peanuts", or any variety thereof.

While Hurricane Irene was shredding our eastern coastline, she threw our area a slightly overcast, dry, upper-70's, low humidity Sunday... perfect for enjoying a road trip to Kennywood.  The gates opened at 10:15 and the rides started at 11:00.  We rolled out pretty early, Garmin programmed, ETA: 10:15.  For many reasons, we were unsure how the day would go with Benny... could be really good, could be really bad.  (If you're not sure why, visit here, then here.)  I didn't know it at the time, but about an hour into the drive, when I caught this rare view in the rear view, it was a foreshadowing of the good day Benny would have.

I poked Jen and whispered, "turn around".  She quickly grabbed the camera...

We were nearly to Kennywood when the Garmin directed us to exit near downtown Pittsburgh.  However, the exit was closed.  She (I haven't named her yet) did some quick "recalculating" and looped us through some neighborhood streets to bring us back to make another attempt at our closed exit.  Now, if you know anything about Pittsburgh, you'll know that it's all hills and rivers... 3 major rivers and everything is on a hillside.  At one point, she turned us left onto West Sycamore Street, a very narrow and very steep street.  In fact, it was so steep (the Google Maps photo link does not give justice to the actual steepness) that the boys had a moment of panic from the back of the van, thinking the van could not climb it... and then as we started up the hill, they asked if it were possible for the van to tip over backwards.  Jen, too, was a little concerned and felt the urge to lean forward to help balance the front and keep it on the ground.  We went several blocks up West Sycamore, at times squeezing through tightly parked cars on both sides of the street, over the top, then down the winding and steep other side.  We raised our hands in the air (well, all but me) on the way down.  I joked with the boys that they hadn't seen anything yet... if they couldn't handle West Sycamore Street (our first ride of the day), how were they going to handle actual roller coasters?

First things first, we staked out our picnic station for the day.  We then selected the Jack Rabbit as our first ride... well, if you don't count West Sycamore Street!  The line was just starting to form, and we would make the first run of the morning.  Lily only had a vague idea about amusement parks, and really didn't know what she was in for, but she happily stood in line to get the party started.  Dylan and Zachary had a better idea, but were still blissfully ignorant, as evidenced by their comment, "that's really no big deal", while we watched the park staff run the trains through a few empty test cycles.  The Jack Rabbit was a great classic wooden coaster, but I think I still have Lily's fingernail imprints in my left arm!  The boys admitted that it was a little more than they anticipated, and they felt like they were going to fly off the track.  Yeah, boys, I think that's part of the thrill!

Jack Rabbit line

Exiting the Jack Rabbit

Lily said the coaster scared her, but she kinda liked it.  Yep, me too, girl.  She wanted to do something without hills, so we got on the nearby Paratrooper.  She thought it looked mild enough, until it lifted and tilted at it's 45 degree angle, at which point she insisted I make them let her off the ride.  This time, fingernail imprints in the right arm!

Lily and Dad on the Paratrooper

Dylan and Zachary on the Paratrooper

Two rides into the day, and I think I traumatized my daughter.  So we calmed it down with some turns around the Merry-Go-Round, this being Benny's inaugural ride.  I think, by this time, I had lost Lily's trust, because she insisted I get her a fixed bench... unsure what to expect from those crazy horses going up and down.  Benny loved the Merry-Go-Round, yelling, "Go!" and "Horsey!"

Lily, liking the calmness of a bench

Ben's first ride

Camera hams

Grand Prix bumper cars were one of the favorite family attractions

Lunchtime!  (note to self:  open pop cans + late August = bee invasion!)

After lunch, we did a variety of groupings of all six together and mixes of separate adult/various kids throughout the day.  The size and layout of the park was such that we often bumped into each other if we were in two groups.  It was easy to communicate with our cell phones to rendezvous, regroup, or swap kids. 

Benny had no nap, but was fabulous.  We were concerned that he would make the day miserable.  With his sensory "issues" we feared the crowds, noises, and ride stimulus would fry him.  Just the opposite.  He soaked in every minute of it, and resisted falling asleep in the stroller, not wanting to miss a moment.  He had no fear of any of the rides he experienced, both Kiddieland and select ones in the main park.  In fact, he really surprised us all, coming alive on the rides and getting off when they stopped saying, "again, again!"

Ben and Lily loved Kiddieland

Zachary was at an age to enjoy the whole park, even some of Kiddieland

Benny loved the Kiddieland version of the Turtle

Daddy's can enjoy Kennywood's Kiddieland, too!

Kenny Kangaroo

Well, at least Kenny always strikes a great pose

Going for a little mid-afternoon boat ride

Splashdown!  first of two hills

Zachary and I on the Kangaroo

the Musik Express, another favorite

I had a bit of a hard time fitting my long legs into the Musik Express

the Bayern Kurve

Lily thought the idea was to ride everything "no-hands"!

lovin' every minute of it!

sharing Mama's slushy

Jen says they were showing patriotism

Benny had to show his slushy tongue

photo op by a cool nighttime fountain

As the evening was winding down, I was with Dylan, Lily, and Ben.  I decided to give Benny a shot at the Turtle, since the Kiddieland version was one of his favorites of the day.  He loved, loved, loved the full-sized version!  We rode it a few times (the line was really short), when Jen called to say we should meet up and think about heading home... since the kid's first day of school was the next day.

What does anyone really do on the first day of school anyway? 

I told her I wasn't ready to call it a day yet... I wanted to remember just a few more smiles on my kid's faces.  The Turtle cars held up to six... I told her she had to come and let us all ride together before we left... she had to see Benny lovin' the Turtle.  She was tired, but she agreed.

By this time, it was dark, and the Turtle line was nearly non-existent, except for a small handful of "Turtle groupies" that kept getting off and right back on nearly continuously.  Once Jen and Zachary met up with us, we joined the ranks of the Turtle groupies.  Benny laughed, smiled, and shouted, "Hooray!", "Go!", "Whoa!", "Hold on!", and "Oh my!"  Each time the ride stopped, Benny would look at me expectantly and say, "Again?"  OK, buddy, I don't want to forget this memory...

Benny at the head of the line... we're next... again!

9 PM and still running without a nap!

"Hold on!", he says (with green M&M smudges on his cheeks)

What a great way to end a great day (at one point Zachary was heard to say, "this is the BEST day of my life!")... me and five of my favorite people packed in the front Turtle car, with my favorite un-napped toddler (who we feared would make the day miserable), leading the charge at 9:15 PM!  "Go!  Go!  Go!"

Zachary, I'd have to agree... it was a really good day!  I hope I long remember the smiles and the laughter on the faces of my four kids, and the memories of this trip to... Bennywood?