turkey bottom ba-by poo

Topic #1: A friend gave Ben this very cute Thanksgiving outfit. It had a turkey on the front, a turkey on the bib, and even a turkey on the butt! He was a well dressed guy for the holiday.

Topic #2: This afternoon, I was upstairs on the computer and the rest of the family was downstairs while Jen made dinner. Lily came upstairs and told me, "ba-by PPPFFFTTTT poo. di-per chain." I said, "baby pooped and needs his diaper changed?" Lily said, "yeah." I told her I would be there in a minute. I took a little too long and she returned and told me, "ba-by poo moy." I said, "baby pooped more?" She said, "yeah."

I went downstairs and told Jen about our conversation (while I changed the baby), and she confirmed that she had sent her upstairs to relay this message. I think this is one of our longest, most successfully understood, complete English conversations, to date. It was exciting!

still November...

Here's another emotional video to wrap up National Adoption Awareness Month!

Thankful

Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday of the year. I love the fact that it involves family, food, and festiveness, but lacks some of the commercialism of Christmas... or does it?

As I sit to write this, I realize that I nor my family have really stopped long enough to really think about or express much in the way of thankfulness today. I try to model thankfulness all year long to my family, but I am not sure I am always effective. Of course, there is still time to focus on it during this holiday, as this was just the first day of three.

Today, we enjoyed a day with Jen's family. Her Aunt Susie and Uncle Lance graciously hosted about 30 family members and friends throughout the day. For many guests, it was an introduction to both Lily and Ben. This made the day a little more stressful, as early social contexts with an adopted child still feels very different than with biological children. Lily did very well with the day. She charmed the socks off everyone, as only Lily can. I was pleased that she was shy for quite a while when we first arrived. It was evidence to me that she is starting to understand the concept of strangers. Another difficult part of the day was the questions. They were tasteful questions by well-meaning people, who were genuinely interested in knowing more about adoption, but I always struggle with the fine line of passionately discussing adoption while protecting my daughter's privacy. I find it very tough to know just where to draw the line.

Tomorrow we hang out at home and then Saturday we will be at my parent's home with my brother and his family, and my Aunt Gloria. But, before I pillow my head, I want to record some things for which I am thankful, and commit to discussing them with my family tomorrow.

• I am thankful for my wife. She is my best friend and a great mommy to my kiddos.
• I am thankful for my eldest two sons, Dylan and Zachary, who have wholeheartedly welcomed two new siblings to our family this year, even though those two siblings have taken much of the spotlight and left the boys largely in the shadows. (I am anxious for the day when the novelty of two new additions wears off and they are just four average kids!)
• I am thankful for adoption, and I am thankful that I was blessed to participate this year.
• I am thankful for a little girl named Lily, with almond shaped eyes and raven hair, who calls me BaBa.
• I am thankful for the two weeks that I got to spend in her homeland. I really wish Jen could have been with me, but I will forever cherish the experiences I shared in those two weeks with my little girl.
• I am (tearfully) thankful for a young woman, somewhere in China, who gave precious life to my daughter.
• I am thankful for a little guy named Ben, to stir things up and really make our lives interesting.
• I am thankful that I had the privilege of being present to (tearfully) be the first to hold him and welcome him to this world.
• I am thankful for my parents, for their friendship, and for loving my wife as their daughter.
• I am thankful for in-laws that love and accept me, and a father-in-law that has never given me a hard time about being out of work, but, instead, reminds me that he's been there.
• I am thankful for the job that I had until recently; For a boss that truly made family a priority; For the flexibility he gave me in scheduling around my family; And, for sacrificing in a difficult economy to keep me on full-time long enough to get my two family additions safely here.
• I am thankful for a God who has graciously blessed me beyond what I could ever record here, and I am thankful for Jesus Christ, who gave his life so that I could be adopted into the family of God.

Happy Thanksgiving!

boxes, tags, and... Legs!

Ah... time for Christmas shopping, already. As I peruse the toy aisles and glossy catalogs with my children, I am in awe of just how many choices there are. I don't think there was such variety, or such fancy gizmos when I was a kid. I'm not that old, mind you, but it seems that toys just get more elaborate and busier to compete for attention. Our Adult Sunday School teacher was recently discussing this to make a point, and he illustrated it with the lyrics to the Marvelous Toy, a John Denver song that says, "It went 'zzzip' when it moved, 'bopp' when it stopped, 'brrr' when it stood still. I never knew just what it was and I guess I never will."

Yet, it is often not the fanciest toys that are the best. My Mom has often told stories of how her and her brothers cut windshields in cardboard boxes, put them over their heads, and steered them with pan lids... the predecessor to Power Wheels? I remember saving a lifetime of wooden popsicle sticks (not from the craft store, but ones half stained purple, red, and orange from eating the popsicle). My brother and I used them to lay out elaborate roads, driveways, and campgrounds for our Hot Wheels cars that stretched from one end of our ranch home to the other.

So, what are some of my kids favorite things to play with? Well, many days, Dylan aspires to be an inventor. He loves boxes. Any kind of box. He has many imaginative ideas for simple cereal boxes. Here he is pictured with his latest creation. To me it is a flattened cereal box. To him it is a "Magic Board". I don't know if you can tell from the picture, but you stand on the Magic Board and twist at the hips. The Magic Board glides over the carpet and the twisting motion actually propels him forward. He has been propelling himself through the house on his Magic Board for the past few days. I tried it and was able to move about a little, but I am not as proficient as he. It is great exercise and very imaginative. He has an outdoor prototype ready to test in our next snowfall. To me it is a flattened cereal box wrapped in a plastic shopping bag... to him it is a waterproof, outdoor, "Magic Snow Board". I love imagination!

Lily is a collector of trinkets. I am not sure what the fascination is, but she is enamoured with tags. Whenever a new product comes into our house with a dangling tag, it is her goal to acquire the tag. Yes, she has "real" toys, but they don't interest her half as much as tags. She likes to put them in little boxes, her little purse, or her Dora bag, and carry them around the house. Several times we have been away from home and she pulls a tag out of her pocket and shows me, "see, Xiao Xiao's". I find it cute, but maybe a little sad at the same time. I am not sure what the fascination is with the tags. My theory is that it represents "newness", and perhaps life in an orphanage rarely afforded her anything new. Nonetheless, they make her happy.

And, then there is "Legs". This character was an unnamed, mediocre, military action figure that originally belonged to Dylan. After his horrible accident, Zachary acquired him (at least this much of him), named him "Legs", and has completely rehabilitated him. I am amazed at what Legs can accomplish with just... well... legs! Legs can drive cars, trucks, and bulldozers. I've seen him battle pirates, command ships, and spacecrafts. He is currently one of Zach's favorite toys, and with the aid of a little imagination, there isn't much that Legs can't do.

So, as we head toward the store aisles and catalogs, into the land of glitz and things that go "zzzip" when they move, "bopp" when they stop, and "brrr" when they stand still, I want to give my kids things they will love and enjoy. But, in the long run, can I really compete with boxes, tags, and... Legs?

Could it be you?

I just read about these children on Cara's blog. These are healthy children that are available for adoption. They are age 13, which puts them at great risk of "aging out" at 14, if not placed SOON! The future outlook for orphans aging out of the system is not extremely positive. Much is being done to expedite these adoptions, including significant financial assistance. Adopting older children has unique challenges, but great rewards, as well (I speak not from my experience, but testimonies of others). If you have ever considered adopting an older child, or if your children are grown or nearly grown and you are not ready to be "empty nesters" just yet, won't you pray about these possibilities? Pass this link on to others who might be interested... let's see if we can't get these kids home soon!

Margin

Two subjects of interest to me are adoption and finances. Because I am both an adoptive parent and a volunteer budget coach (www.crown.org), I want to respond to something I have heard numerous times in regards to adoption, involving both subjects. More than once, I've heard people say something like, "We'd like to do that, but we just can't afford it". I, too, initially thought that, but I know that, within reason, most of us can afford to do what is really important to us.

First, let me dispel a rumor about adoption costs. Most people think adoption is "expensive". It really is not... it's the bureaucracy that is costly. But, since you can't get through it without the bureaucracy, it can become a costly process. This is not a reason to just dismiss the possibilities, though. Very early in the process, I was also in the "we just can't afford it" camp. And, even still there are expenses yet to be covered, which stresses me out... but my daughter is priceless!

If the "we'd like to do that" part is more than just talk, there are many routes that can be considered to help with the sting of adoption expenses. First of all, there are thousands of available children in the US foster care system that are available for adoption. Most of these adoptions are state expedited and have very few bureaucratic expenses. Outside of that, there are many organizations that offer grants for adoption expenses. There are some individuals who are opposed to adoption fundraising, and I respect their opinion; but I say, as long as it's tasteful, won't someday embarrass your future son or daughter, and that's what it takes to get kids in loving homes... go for it! Adoptive parents come up with some very creative and fun ideas to help get their kiddos home.

Lastly, I want to pull in my budgeting background. I may be stepping on some toes here, but I'll try to tread lightly! I believe many families cannot afford to adopt because they live a lifestyle that pushes them to the financial edge. America is a very debt-driven country. (We are feeling a lot of the effects of that with the recent economic fractures.) So many Americans are frantically working like a hamster on a wheel to fund a mortgaged, leased, and loaned lifestyle, without any sense of margin. Margin is what can allow the wiggle room for a financial course correction to fund such things as adoption. It is a sense of living BELOW your means-- a concept foreign to many. I firmly believe that if more families lived a more "old fashioned" financial lifestyle... more savings to pay for things up front, less debt, and more contentment with a modest lifestyle... that more families would have the margin to be able to adopt if the desire is there. Just my opinion...

beauty in broken things

The other night, as I was traveling through some random adoptive blog links, I happened upon a blog titled, "Sea Glass and Jade". It is the blog of a China-adoption-in-progress family that lives in a coastal area, where they are collectors of sea glass (bits of glass, frosted and worn smooth by the surf; also called beach glass). Finding their blog reminded me of a story that I have thought about recording several times, but have avoided. It is a great story, but I hesitate to share it, because it is a rare epiphany moment that is not characteristic of my life. Nevertheless, here's the story:

the background:
The summers of '05, '06, and '07 (before our lives got so crazy) we were blessed to spend a week of vacation on the beaches of the Outer Banks of North Carolina (we love OBX!). The first year, while looking for nice shells, I accidentally stumbled upon my first piece of beach glass. I was hooked. Thereafter, instead of looking for the perfect shell, I scoured the beach, looking for these shiny bits of trash-turned-treasure.

the decision:
In May of '07, after wrestling with the adoption question for about a year, we found a little girl among China's special needs children that launched us into the adoption process. We frantically began our paperwork, trying to beat the initial deadlines to be considered for her. However, the process ended as quickly as it started, as a life event arose that seemed as though it would make an adoption from China only remotely possible in the distant future, if at all. This was very confusing, as we were convinced that the Lord had lead us in this direction.

the struggle:
In June of '07, we went on our planned trip to OBX. For me, this trip was more a time of restlessness and soul-searching, than it was relaxing. Although I spent much time with my family, I found myself wanting to spend time by myself on the beach more than other years. I was wrestling with God over whether I misunderstood, or if I just made a decision based purely on emotions. It was a unanimous family decision, but had I mislead my family? I am not normally a very decisive decision maker. I have struggled most of my adult life with determining the mysteries of God's plan for my life... but adoption was different. I had never been so sure about a decision in my life. I was sure we were supposed to adopt. I was sure it was supposed to be a child from China. And, I was almost sure it was to be a special needs adoption. Yet, the door seemed closed with few human options for opening it.

the story gets good:
As I walked along the edge of the surf, head down, eyes straining to catch the sun glinting off a piece of beach glass, the thought occurred to me that this search was a bit of a parallel to my desires for adoption. The phrase kept coming to me: "beauty in broken things". All around me were beach combers in search of the perfect shell, while my desire was for something that, although beautiful to me, was broken, discarded, and overlooked by most others. I am trying to write this tactfully, without sounding demeaning; but, is this not a picture of the orphaned child, especially those with special needs? They are often broken, discarded, abused, abandoned, or overlooked by most. So, I searched for glass, I turned the phrase over and over in my mind, and I wrestled with the orphan/adoption dilemma: why so many others could, but wouldn't; yet, I would, but it appeared that I couldn't.

the story gets better:
Dylan sometime hunts for beach glass with me. He rarely finds any and gets frustrated easily, because he has difficulty training his eyes to spot the lone piece of glass among the vastness of sand, gravel, and broken shells. The routine is as follows: Dylan: (picking up a bit of colored shell) "Is this a piece, Dad?" Dad: "Nope, that's a broken shell, but keep looking." Toward the end of the week of vacation, Dylan and I were looking for glass, when he picked up a plain white object with smooth edges and a slight curve. He asked me about it and I dismissed it as just another piece of broken shell. As he dropped it, it flipped over and my eye caught an interesting pattern of color on the other side. I picked it up and discovered that it actually wasn't a broken shell, but that it was a piece of the rim of a broken dinner plate. I saw that the pattern of color was a part of the plate's design that had not yet been erased by the surf. What I actually saw in the pattern, though, startled me. Well preserved in blue against white, was a depiction of a small structure and the architecture was characteristic of China! It wasn't an audible voice, but at that very moment, I sensed in my spirit that God had washed up that very specific piece of pottery, in that precise spot on the miles of coastline, for Dylan to find for me. (He can do things like that, you know!) It was as if God used this broken, discarded piece of pottery to confirm to me, "Yes, there is beauty in broken things and I know you cannot see how, but you will adopt a special needs child from China." I have never before or since experienced anything like this.

the bad before good:
I don't wish to go into specifics, but a few months later, another very unforseen life event occured that now made a Chinese adoption possible, once again. While I wish that I could say that this is the happy ending, we aren't there yet. The way in which this occurred was very difficult, and required us to draw more strength from God. I am sure there were many lessons in this whole experience, and I am also sure that many of these lessons are yet to be absorbed.

the happy ending:
In September of '07, we found another little girl among the special needs children of China. She is now our daughter. She is not broken... but she is beautiful!