"calling" hours?

Let me preface this by saying that this is a hard to believe, but tragically true, story. It happened to a good friend of mine, who shall remain nameless... not necessarily for his protection, but because of the upsetting nature of the events of this story. Although this story has an element of humor, it is much more tragic than humorous. I am a bit ashamed to admit that my first reaction to hearing it was laughter, but I was quickly sobered and saddened by the tragic ending, and my friend has been deeply affected by his involvement.

So, the other day, my friend was enjoying the springtime weather and strolling around his property, which has frontage on a fairly busy road, when he happened upon a cell phone near the ditch in his front yard. Since it hadn't rained for a few days, the cell phone was operational, and he took it in the house with the intention of trying to contact its rightful owner. It took him a few days to get back to it, but he searched the phone's memory for a number of a significant person to notify about the lost phone. He selected a number that was indicated "in case of emergency" and appeared to be the wife of the phone's owner. My Good Samaritan friend dialed the number...

A man took the call. My friend quickly learned that the man who took the call was standing beside the lost phone owner's very distraught widow... who was standing beside the casket of her deceased husband (the phone's owner)... who's name and number had just appeared on the caller ID of her ringing cell phone. (Cue the Twilight Zone theme music... doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo...) Ironically, my friend gave new meaning to "calling hours", by innocently using the phone of the deceased to unknowingly call his widow... while she was at her husband's calling hours!

Although the irony of the story itself may have an element of humor, the tragedy lies in what my friend then learned and pieced together. It seems the phone was likely not lost, but discarded. The man who owned the phone apparently made a decision and tossed the phone to avoid being dissuaded from what he was about to do. Sadly, the man took his life. The haunting part for my friend, who is a father of young children, is that the photo on the phone's screen is that of a woman and three little girls... most likely a widow and her fatherless daughters.

Easter Scrooge?

I think it best that I start this post with a few disclaimers:

1. I am writing to no one, specifically, and I am in no way criticizing you, nor do I think less of you, if you celebrate Easter in ways that I question. (Many of you do and will likely continue!)
2. Many readers will likely disagree with my thoughts (my wife included).
3. We can agree to disagree and still be friends.
4. What good is writing and blogging if you can't be honest and transparent?

That being said, I admit it: I am an Easter Scrooge.

Oh, I know Easter is the most significant of Christian holidays. For a long time, though, I've really not been that into it. Guilty? Oh yeah, I've felt terribly guilty about my mediocre and apathetic response to this event that celebrates the resurrection of my Lord. But I can't deny it, so I'm trying to make some sense of it.

The older I get, the more I tend to question traditions. I find, though, that most people don't like traditions messed with. Hence the disclaimer. I'm not rebelling against traditions, per se, I'm just questioning... asking "why?" a lot. Why is it done this way? Why do we do that? Do we have to do it this way? Who says we can't do it differently?

I think, perhaps, this is partly the result of being a dad. I'm far, far, from being a model anything, leastwise a Dad. But, I do have a desire to be a good leader for my family and I try to parent very deliberately. Sometimes that deliberateness makes me cling desperately to dying traditions and other times it causes me to want to deviate from well-entrenched ones.

So, let us explore some Easter traditions through my lens.

Although I must admit I like a little commercialism with my Christmas, overall, I'm not a huge fan of commercialism, especially at Easter. Maybe I have undiagnosed ADHD, but I've long been very distracted by Easter's commercialism. A bit confused by it, actually. Maybe I have a difficult time multi-tasking, because I struggle with packing the religious and the commercial in one weekend... HE's not here (but the bunny was), for HE is risen! (what did he leave in your basket?) Bunnies and baskets? Bonnets and bows? I just have to ask why?

Ah, yes... tradition.

Now, I'll admit, as a child I loved going to Grandma's house over Easter break and spending some time with my cousins. I always looked forward to Grandma's Saturday evening Easter egg hunt. Everyone got a room in the house with an equal number of hidden candy to find, and one-by-one we'd work our way through the house. It was a fun... um... tradition. But, at some point after I quit believing in an Easter Bunny, the tradition of waking up on Sunday morning to an Easter basket seemed a little distracting to what the day was really about. (Mom, I know you read this... that's not a criticism... just thinking out loud!) I really didn't process it that way at the time, but I think the roots of my frustration with the commercialism of Easter reach somewhere back toward childhood. Even then, I think I sometimes wondered why Jesus should share the day with an egg-laying bunny and if some of the church attenders came for resurrection rejoicing or wardrobe wearing. (Again, don't take it personal if you gussy up for Easter service... it's spring... it's cute... just thinking out loud!)

This year, however, hasn't been just life as usual. Because (as I've mentioned in earlier posts) we are on our "church tour" seeking a place to call home, Easter was a little less predictable. I did a bit of an a-la-carte Easter this year. Dylan, Zachary and I attended an Easter play at one church, Good Friday service at another, and Jen and Zachary attended Easter service at yet another church. (We've been passing colds around, so we had to attend in part). I was really looking forward to Easter service this year, and although I was on sick kid duty and didn't get to go, I think it was more meaningful to me, personally, than many other years... for a few reasons.

This year, I focused my thoughts a lot more on the cross. I think a big part of my Easter frustration is due to the fact that my church background has focused so much more heavily on the Resurrection and tended to gloss over the Crucifixion. And why not? Resurrection is happy... crucifixion is not. But, how can you fully rejoice in the Resurrection, without first sharing in the sorrow of the cross? Sadly, I don't know that I've ever been to a Good Friday service before this year. Maybe I have and just don't remember? The boys couldn't understand why we would go to church on Friday. I explained to them that we were going to remember the sacrifice that Jesus made on our behalf and to commemorate His death on the cross. We discussed the service on the drive home. I think they started to get it. As part of deliberate parenting, I hope in future years to focus my family's attention more on the events leading up to Easter, to try to frame for them the full relevance of Resurrection Sunday.

Also in the area of deliberate fathering, I suggested that we drop Easter baskets this year. Jen conceded (a bit reluctantly), but felt I was robbing my children of childhood joy. I see her point. We struck a compromise for future years to have some very minimal commercialism at some point during the Easter weekend, rather than Sunday morning Easter baskets. It is not my intent to stamp out all childhood fun, but to adjust tradition to be less distracting from the real significance of the holiday.

Lest you think I am just a Scrooge down on tradition with little factual backing, let me conclude with some Easter history I discovered. I'm certainly no expert, but I briefly searched Google for the basis of some of our modern Easter traditions. Did you know that Easter originates from a pagan festival to honor the Goddess of Fertility, Eastre? Rabbits and eggs have long been symbols of fertility. Since both the Resurrection and the fertility festival occurred in the spring time, the progression of history has brought us the modern day Easter, with its bunnies, eggs and empty tomb. For this reason, some churches avoid the term "Easter" and favor "Resurrection Sunday". Hmmm... I think I like that.

So, are Easter traditions harmless childish fun that combine with springtime to help point us to new life and resurrection? Maybe. I doubt that any of you really pay homage to the Goddess of Fertility with your eggs and rabbits. Just the same, though, I have to ask... my Lord and Saviour, who gave His life to redeem my sinful soul, and rose to life the first Resurrection Sunday... should He have to share His glorious day with Eastre and the world's commercialism? Call me a fanatic if you want, but I struggle with the conflicts posed by... Eastre Sunday.

vacationing at the airport

I have been thinking a lot, lately, about church. Not just recently, but for a few years, now. Not my church, specifically, but more so the concept of church. What it is intended to be. What it should look like. How it should function. How much of what a church does is based on Christ's intent when He established it, and how much of it is based on what man's traditions have made of it?

It's a big subject to ponder. Bigger than this blog post.

But, here's the thing. My family doesn't currently have a church. We made the very difficult decision to leave the church we have attended since moving here, and we are "on tour", searching for a place to call home. My "church tour" has led me out of the box a bit. I have always attended a certain kind of church, that does things a certain way. While I'm not compromising any of the doctrines on which I stand, re-thinking church has caused me to explore churches that I would likely have been closed-minded to just a few years ago. They are mostly similar, but different than what I am used to. A few years ago, they would have had to be just plain similar.

Getting to my point, I visited another such church for the first time this morning. It was a few blocks from my home. Zachary wasn't feeling well, so Jen stayed home and I went with just Dylan and Lily. We slipped in the back a few minutes before the worship service began. I'm not sure the church itself is quite what we're looking for, but the pastor's message stuck with me.

He spoke about what the church should be. My ears perked up. It wasn't necessarily anything extremely profound, but a great reminder and in line with my recent church musings. He asked the question, "Is our church designed to fit our needs (those who worship within the walls), or to bring those outside the walls to know Christ?" He shared two examples to illustrate his point.

First, he compared the church to a Haitian mission project that he had been a part of. The project was to bring water to a particular Haitian village. The project raised funds to drill a well to bring fresh drinking water to the people of the village. The well was drilled. The people came to the well. The mission then put a wall and locked gates, a compound of sorts, around the well to protect it. The people for which the well was drilled were then isolated from the water. So, the mission put a pipe to the outside of the wall and they would turn on the faucet at certain times of the day to allow the villagers to get the water they desperately needed. The pastor made the parallel to the modern church. We build our nice, comfortable buildings and we worship in them, almost as though it were an elite club designed for its members. We then turn on the faucet every so often to distribute the Living Water to those outside our "compound".

Secondly, he likened church to an airport. We say we go to the airport, but nobody really goes to an airport... we go through it. The airport is not our destination. He asked how many had ever gone to the airport for vacation. Not through it to get to vacation, but actually vacationed at the airport. Ridiculous, right? The point he was making is that "church" is not a destination. The people of God are the church. Instead of going "to church" often, perhaps we should pass "through church" often on our way to becoming and living as the church.

I'm a visual kind of person. I liked his illustrations and I was challenged by them. So how about you? Are you vacationing at the airport, or passing through the airport? (Or, has it been a while since you've even visited an airport?)

the path less traveled

Yesterday was my friend John's birthday. He's been wanting me to go hiking for a while, but every time he calls, it seems it's never a good time for me. I wasn't really doing anything this afternoon, though, and he said I had to go, because it was his birthday. So, he came over and I took him to a park near my house that he had never experienced before. He loved it. It was a real "John" kind of place. I've been there numerous times, but he managed to find things I've never found. But that's just John... often taking the path less traveled. Happy Birthday, John! Thanks for a fun day and for being a good friend.

This tree was growing on the side of the rocks

John's eldest, Nathaniel and my eldest, Dylan

I love this picture

where in the blue blazes?

Today was a beautiful Spring Saturday in Ohio. Dylan, Zachary and I went hiking on an eight mile looping portion of the Buckeye Trail that runs through a nearby state park. The Buckeye Trail loops our entire state and is marked by blue blazes. No, we didn't do the entire eight mile loop, but probably did somewhere between three and four miles total (in and out the same portion).

Buckeye blue blazes

I like this portion of trail because it is well marked, but not as developed and well traveled as some of the other trails. There are several natural small stream crossings devoid of man-made foot bridges. There might be a series of strategically placed rocks, a fallen tree, or nothing at all. Sometimes you have to hike up or down stream to find a crossing, then return to the trail on the other side. The boys liked the challenge of finding their own crossings, and they are big enough and the streams small enough that I could pretty much let them go and the worst that could happen was that they might get wet, muddy, or both.

Zachary carefully picking his way across stones

Dylan finding his own route across the stones

Zachary balancing across a log, with about a 2 foot deep pool below him

And, my favorite, the running leap!

Dylan, also midair, performing his running leap crossing

We came out of the woods fairly mud free, and with five out of six feet dry. I won't tell you who had the soggy boot... but, no, it wasn't me!

Bus Driver, MOVE THAT BUS!

When we moved to this house, there was Dylan and Zachary, and I promised them a nice room. They moved into a temporary room. Then, we added Lily, and I promised them a nice room. Then, we added Benny, and I promised them a nice room. They moved into another temporary room. Tonight, after living in 3 out of 4 bedrooms in this house, they are finally tucked in and sound asleep in "their" room.

I finished up the last few details this week and today I moved their furniture in while they were at school. After waiting this long, I decided to have a little fun with "the reveal" (although my wife thought it was a little cheesy). We all enjoy watching Ty Pennington and the cast of ABC's "Extreme Makeover, Home Edition", so I had the door locked when they came home, and I took the whole family upstairs to the hallway. The boys were amused to find Benny's Leapfrog bus "parked" in front of the closed doorway. They chuckled, as we all said in unison,

"Bus Driver, MOVE THAT BUS"!

We stood in front of the closed bedroom door and, in the spirit of Ty Pennington, I gave them a little speech about my special project room and how much they deserved what was behind this door. I unlocked the door. They liked it! Here's your tour.

BEFORE

BEFORE

BEFORE

With pink walls and pink carpet, it was known as "the pink room", but it was the second largest bedroom and sizable enough to share.

Draftsman's view BEFORE

Here's an AFTER shot before furniture.

If you're interested in the technical, the drawings above illustrate that nearly every interior wall on the second floor has been/will be reframed and moved, and the brick chimney that ran through the center of the house has been removed. Although the home originally had four bedrooms, one was a walk-thru, rendering it fairly useless as an actual bedroom. The change of layout will allow the hallway to access all four rooms, privately, eliminating the walk-thru. Closets were reconfigured to be more useful and room sizes were adjusted, as well.

You may notice that in all my "finished" pictures (here and the bathroom) the electric is unfinished. My electrician did the rough-in, but still has to do the finish work. He will do it in a few stages, and will be in soon, after I get a little more of the second floor finished. We have a few "hot" outlets on the second floor to get by, for now, but will soon have real lighting, switches, and outlets.

AFTER with furniture (look quickly... it likely won't look like this for long!)

Closet and entry doors

Closet with Nerf hoop... my "room-warming" gift to Dylan and Zachary (which they have been warned they will lose if they get too rowdy)!

Draftsman's view AFTER

the cure

What do you get when you mix an Ohio Sunday afternoon in early March with 50 degrees, sunshine, a big woods, four adults, seven kids, and you sprinkle in a generous amount of mud and leftover snow? Sounds like the cure for cabin fever to me!